Last Chance To Tuneup or T.O ?

IRVING, Texas – One day he isn’t practicing and is in jeopardy of missing the season opener at Jacksonville.

The next day he returns to practice and has a chance of playing not just in the opener, but possibly in Thursday night’s preseason finale against the Vikings.

Welcome back to the saga of Terrell Owens and the Dallas Cowboys.

The latest twist is at least a positive one for the Cowboys, who could get a T.O. sighting at some point Thursday night when the team tries to improve its perfect 3-0 preseason record against Minnesota at Texas Stadium (7 p.m. CDT).

Cowboys head coach Bill Parcells said Owens has participated in the last two practices, including a light practice Wednesday morning. He also said Owens might be in uniform for the game, and that there’s a chance he could also make his Cowboys game debut at last.

“I think if he feels OK (Thursday) night we might dress him for the game,” Parcells said in his news conference, which was held Wednesday at Texas Stadium as part of a luncheon with team sponsor Miller Lite. “But I don’t know whether he’ll play or not.”

Ultimately, Parcells said he will let Owens decide if he’s ready to play.

“We might dress him . . . but that would be kind of up to him, whether or not he wants to get some plays,” Parcells said. “And then maybe we’ll think about it.”

That’s quite a turnaround, especially after Parcells expressed concerned on Monday that Owens could miss the season opener at Jacksonville. But despite his return to practice and the possibility of suiting up against the Vikings, Parcells continued to stop short of confirming Owens will be ready to play when the team kicks off the season Sept. 10 against the Jaguars.

“What’s he look like? How’s he practiced? What does he look like he knows?” Parcells said. “So, there could be a lot of reasons why he might not play. I don’t know what’s going to happen. But if you’re asking me right now do I know if he’s going to play in Jacksonville, the answer is no.”

Parcells said the team will continue to monitor Owens over the next week, and that hopefully the long stretch between the two games will be beneficial in getting the receiver ready for the opener.

“He’s got some days here after the game that I think can be used to everyone’s advantage if we can use them properly – I think both in conditioning, stamina and endurance,” Parcells said. “Now our rehabilitation staff with (trainers) Jim Maurer and Britt Brown . . . now Britt, he works them pretty good. So the work load has been pretty tough on Terrell the last few days before he returned to practice. Probably, really more work than what he would do at practice. So that was a good sign since he held up on that, that he might be able to kind of work back in. We’ll see how it goes.”

Regardless if he plays against the Vikings, Parcells at least wants to give Owens a taste of the Cowboys’ game-day operation, something the coach said is vastly different from team to team.

“He hasn’t been on the sidelines for our game operation,” Parcells said. “All game operations in this league are not the same. And neither are the cast of characters and how we do things, what the structure is. He hasn’t seen any of that. I think that would be beneficial so that next week wasn’t the first time he did that. So I would hope that he could dress, but I’m not sure he will. We’ll just see how he is (Thursday).”

Parcells said the same for left tackle Flozell Adams, the only player who didn’t practice with the team Wednesday. While Parcells did not rule him out for the Minnesota game, it’s unlikely Adams will play because of the strained left calf he suffered Aug. 21 against New Orleans. Like Owens, Parcells said he still is unsure of Adams’ status for the opener.

While Owens was out, Parcells and the coaching staff got a chance to evaluate some of their younger receivers. Players taking advantage of the opportunity include Jamaica Rector, rookie Sam Hurd, who started the first two games of the preseason, and Terrance Copper.

Rector caught seven passes for 80 yards Saturday night against the 49ers, and his 12 receptions leads the team in receptions during the preseason.

Parcells has been vague about how many receivers he could keep on the 53-man roster, but there would seem to be a good chance he will keep at least five, and as many as six.

That means there might not be more than two, possibly three slots open beyond Owens, Terry Glenn and Patrick Crayton, who has practiced this week and is expected to play Thursday night after missing the last two games with a high ankle sprain.

While Hurd and Rector are competing for roster spots, Parcells isn’t ruling out third-year veteran Terrance Copper, who has been a valuable special-teams contributor the last two seasons. And then there is rookie Skyler Green, a fourth-round pick from LSU who has not played much wide receiver during the preseason games.

However, Parcells has said he is trying to give Green every chance to make the team as a punt returner, and will continue to do so Thursday. Green has returned all but one of the team’s punts so far this preseason, averaging nine yards per return, including a 22-yarder against the Saints.

“We’ll just see how it all plays out,” Parcells said last week of his wide receivers. “I’ve still got some time to make the decision here. But I don’t know how it’s going to end up. There are still a lot of moving parts here.”

At least now, the biggest of those parts appears to be moving back in the fold.

How Bad Is It, Doc?

After several months of ill-health, an old man finally musters up the courage to see his doctor for a complete check-up.

He gets to the doctor’s office, after which, the doctor runs a number of standard tests.

After a couple of hours, the doctor comes back, and just barely able to look the old man in the eye, he says:

“I’m afraid I have some very bad news…you’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.”

“That’s terrible!” says the man. “‘How bad is it, Doc? How long have I got?”

“Ten,” the doctor replies, shaking his head.

“Ten?” the man asks. “Ten what? Months? Weeks? What do you mean?”

The doctor looks at him sadly. Then he looks at his watch.

“Nine.”

How Budweiser handled those who laughed at 9-11

The Budweiser Story (not a joke) This is TRUE!
How Budweiser handled those who laughed at those who died on the 11th of
September, 2001…Thought you might like to know what happened in a little town north
of Bakersfield, California.

On September 11th, a Budweiser employee was making a delivery to a
convenience store in a California town named McFarland. He knew of the tragedy that had occurred in New York when he entered the business to find the two Arabs, who owned the business, whooping and hollering to show their approval and support of this treacherous attack. The Budweiser employee went to his truck, called his boss and told him of
the very upsetting event! He didn’t feel he could be in that store with those horrible people. His boss asked him, “Do you think you could go in there long enough to pull every Budweiser product and item our beverage company sells there? We’ll never deliver to them again.” The employee walked in, proceeded to pull every single product his beverage company provided and left with an incredible grin on his face. He told them never to bother to call for a delivery again. Budweiser happens to be the beer of choice for that community. just letting you know how Kern County handled this situation.

 

 

 

And Now The Rest Of The Story:

It seems that the Bud driver and the Pepsi man are neighbors. Bud called
Pepsi and told him. Pepsi called his boss who told him to pull all Pepsi products as well!!! That would include Frito Lay, etc. Furthermore, word spread and all vendors followed suit! At last
report, the store was Closed indefinitely. Good old American Passive-Aggressive A$$ Whoopin!

If you can read this…Thank a teacher!!!!
If you are reading it in English….THANK A SOLDIER!!!
God Bless America !!

__________________
When I was young, I was led to believe there were organisations to kill my snakes for me. But as I got a little older I learned I had to kill my snakes myself.

Bengals Dont Bargain with Packers

It was a grim game right from the start for 1-1 Green Bay with Favre at the controls for what seems to be his last season. I did not see the beginning of the game, but when I turned the TV on it was already 0-7 Cinci and only a couple of minutes have expired from the game clock. Ouch, I thought to myself, did they already commit a TO (turn over)?
Sure enough, Farve fumbled and it was returned 29 yards for a score to make it easy 6 points (I saw the replay later).

If anyone had any doubts about Palmer’s knee then you don’t have to worry any longer. He took a couple of good hits right on it and bounced back up to the sounds of cheering fans. Three touchdowns later he finally at on the bench satisfied with his offensive team’s effort. “I felt good,” Palmer said. “It feels like it’s just football now.”

Bengals piled on 31 unanswered points before Packers finally scored on a Farve 17 yard strike to his favorite target Driver at the end of the second quarter to make it 31-7. With two rookie guards it was very difficult for Green to run the ball and it was evident that it will create problems for Green Bay during the season. Since their offensive does set up the pass with a run, especially now with Farve getting older and less mobile it seems to me that Packers should have spend more time looking for more experienced lineman during the off-season. Really doesn’t take a genius to figure that out when you’re starting tailback get 18 yards rushing in the first half.

I look forward to see if Palmer and crew will continue this type of game play during the regular season. Will Packers make some adjustments for the Friday game? Please check with us to hear honest sport fan opinions.

Bargainshaq Staff Writer,

Vadim D.

2006 Darwin Awards

Here are this year’s Darwin Awards …..

the annual honor given to the person who improved the “gene pool” the most by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this year has been keen.

And the candidates this year are …..

* In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve
his car keys.

* A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who “totally zoned when he ran”
….. accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

* Buxton , NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones,
21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting
in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying
him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach on the outer banks, used
their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of
Woodbridge , VA , but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using
heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on.
Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

* Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc , CA as he fell face-first
through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused
when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free)
rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville , Delaware as he won
a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
*
HONORABLE MENTION:*
* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his wife
Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their
car. While driving around 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried
to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to
notice the window was closed.

* RUNNER UP:*
* TACOMA , WA ….. Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends
when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the
Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more
heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30
AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one
had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered
and pointed out that a coil of lineman’s cable lay nearby. One end of the
cable was secured around Bingham’s leg and the other end was tied to the
bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his
foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river
water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. “All I can say” said Bingham,
“is that God was watching out for me on that night. There’s just no other
explanation for it.” Bingham’s foot was never located.
*
AND THE WINNER:*
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally
let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing
elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. “The
sheer force of the elephant’s unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to
the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the
elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him,” said flabbergasted
Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him, he lay
under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and
during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak
accidents that proves that “Shit happens!”

Pre-season QB performances are no Bargain for Owners

By Pat Kirwan
NFL.com Senior Analyst
(Aug. 27, 2006) — At least 10 teams or close to 30 percent of NFL franchises are likely to start the season with a different quarterback than they considered their starter in 2005. Change is inevitable in the NFL, but even this volatility isn’t normal. It’s more like the hurricane season of 2005.

With starters getting little to no work in the fourth preseason game, the body of work is in place to kick off the 2006 season. For some team executives as they sit around the conference table, there may be some anxiety about what the preseason told them about their starting quarterback or maybe what it didn’t tell them about their offense.

For example, there’s no doubt that Daunte Culpepper, Steve McNair, Drew Brees, Billy Volek and Rex Grossman will jog out with the first unit on opening day, but these five starters threw a combined 204 passes this preseason and not one touchdown pass. Here are the three game totals for each QB:

Quarterback

Completions

Attempts

Yards

TDs

INTs

Sacks

When you look at the number of pass opportunities these signal-callers had, most coaches and personnel people would like to have seen at least one touchdown pass. These players aren’t alone as Mark Brunell threw 31 times for 162 yards with no touchdowns, one interception and four sacks.

Drew Brees has yet to throw a TD pass for his new team.

There’s no roster pressure on Culpepper, McNair or Brees, but with Vince Young right behind Volek and Jason Campbell right behind Brunell, those situations are worth watching. The Chicago situation is already starting to flair up for Grossman because Brian Griese has connected on 18 of 37 passes for 281 yards and four touchdowns without an interception or sack. The fans are already calling for Griese.

Up in Buffalo, it appears that J.P. Losman has won the job, but the production doesn’t make it clear cut and the veteran players are just sitting back and watching this one unfold. Losman has completed 37 of 57 passes and has thrown two touchdown passes, but he has also been sacked nine times, fumbled three times and thrown two interceptions. His competition, Kelly Holcomb, has thrown only nine passes all summer. Losman is an athlete, but 14 negative plays in partial duty in three preseason games is something to keep an eye on as the season starts.

The Redskins have really held back on their offensive game plan for the preseason, which is a good thing, but between Brunell and Campbell, they have thrown 65 passes, no touchdowns and three interceptions while taking eight sacks. Washington is another team to hope for a big improvement when the regular season kicks off.

Finally, around the league everyone will say the right things about the preseason, but there is always a little doubt when the quarterback doesn’t find the end zone or take care of the ball.

Bargain Minds Are Ment To Ponder !

Computer Points to Ponder

1) Do Viruses ever get sick?                      

2) Do witches run spell checkers?

3) Does a broken Window get you 7 meg. of bad luck?

4) How come programmers find it so easy to master the special language    that runs computers, yet those same folks who write the technical
manuals for the rest of us have no grip on simple English?

5) How come the users can find all the computer bugs and not the    programmers or analysts?

6) How do you press F1 when your PC has a keyboard error or no keyboard
present?

7) If a food processor slices and dices food, what does a word processor do?

8) If Ignorance is Bliss, then why aren’t there more happy Windows 98 users?

9) Is AOL so expensive because someone has to pay for those free disks?

10) Is it true that in Russia, a KGB keyboard has no escape key?

11) Why do most software developers call bugs they can’t fix, features?

12) Just where is the “any” key anyway?

13) Why does the computer auto-save while you are trying to delete?

14) Why do they call it a hard disk if its damaged with the slightest impact?

15) Why do we trust computers when they make as many mistakes in two seconds
as 20 people working 20 years make?

Bargains On The Net (Pt.3)

This is the final part of the series about ID theft and Internet fraud. This will be more or less an overview and a tutorial on how to prevent, or take proper step to lessen your chances of getting your personal information compromised. Being a victim of such a crime , I devoted myself to letting the public know how to avoid the pitfalls and stay away from scum. Usually, in most cases the criminal impersonates the individual rather then removes his identity for personal financial gain. I trusted a few people that came from my country to help me get a great business going with unlimited potential and I got screwed in the process.

Ways to steal your ID.

• stealing mail or rummaging through rubbish (dumpster diving in the USA)
• eavesdropping on public transactions to obtain personal data (shoulder surfing)
• stealing personal information in computer databases
• infiltration of organizations that store large amounts of personal information
• impersonating a trusted organisation in an electronic communication (phishing)
• Spam (electronic): Some, if not all Spam requires you to respond to alleged contests, enter into “Good Deals”.

You have to ask yourself, how does this impact our economy or services? You will see unbelievable statistics in a few lines.Many of us are ignorant to the fact that we are not as savvy as we think we are. The are people that devote themselves to the life of crime, and the first thing they thin about when they wake up is how am I going to get all the money that someone has or buy goods for myself without paying for them. For these “outstanding citizens” it is a regular job just like you and me going to work everyday.

In 2006 the loss due to fraud rose to over $56 billion, and the average fraud per person rose from $5300 in 2003 to almost $6400 in 2006. Some of these guys are living in Hawaii I bet, or in Mexico living it up on honest peoples expense. Does this effect you physically or physiologically? A survey was conducted by ITRC and here are the results below.

The 2003 survey from the Identity Theft Resource Centre found that :

• Only 15% of victims find out about the theft due to a proactive action taken by a business
• The average time spent by victims resolving the problem is about 600 hours
• 73% of respondents indicated the crime involved the thief acquiring a credit card
• The emotional impact is similar to that of victims of violent crime.

I am too smart to get my identity stolen, I take good care of my personal information, Everything in my house and bank is secure. Do any of these quotes sound familiar? If anyone has been a victim of fraud, they will tell you that there is always someone that is clever enough to beat the system or get information that they need, especially with the Internet emerging as the number one source of information to the general public. Here are some of the ways to avoid becoming a prey to these “animals”.

The following precautions are recommended by the US Federal Trade Commission ^[12] :

• Shred documents and paperwork which contain personal information before you discard them.
• Don’t give out personal information unless you know who you are dealing with.
• Never click on links in unsolicited emails; instead, type in a web address which you know
• Use firewalls, anti-spyware, and anti-virus software to protect your home computer;
• Don’t use obvious passwords like your birth date or your mother’s maiden name
• Keep your personal information in a secure place at home
• Be alert for discrepancies in your financial bills and statements and query them immediately
• Report fraud as soon as you detect it

The following have also been recommended

• Collect delivered postal mail as soon as possible.
• Use reliable ATM’s at reputable sites only.
• Look for any suspicious attachments to an ATM and if in doubt, do not use the ATM but report the problem.
• Be aware of your surrounding when using an ATM. Hide what you type on a keypad from others.
• Limit the amount of personal information you publish on the web.
• When shopping on-line, make sure the company is reputable and displays an approved security symbol.
• When handing over your credit card, do not let it out of your sight.
• If you are traveling, tell the post office to hold your mail until your return or have someone you trust collect it

The following are specific to the USA :

• Protect your Social Security number. Don’t carry your Social Security card in your wallet or write your Social Security number on a check. Give it out only if absolutely necessary or ask to use another identifier.
• Don’t order checks pre-printed with your driver’s license or social security number.
• Don’t carry your social security card unless absolutely needed. In states where your driver’s license number is your social security number, be equally careful about who sees your license.
• Freeze your credit, if available in your state so that no one can open any form of credit in your name.
• Request your own credit report each year and check the reports for inaccuracies and new lines of credit issued that you did not request.

Hopefully this article will help a few people and if I can help just one person to avoid this drama and a terrible experience then I have done my job as a good Samaritan and a kind human being.

Cowboys Did Not Bargain With Saints

Finally, a Monday Night Football game, I could smell the sweat, beer, and roasted peanuts. I ran out of my place of employment and rushed over to my car to go see Cowboys and the New Saints. I was nto there for the kick off or the first 10 mnutes of the game, but when I walked in it was already 10-0 Cowboys. The first team looked sharp, as they passed and ran all the way down the field to make it 17-0 on the first drive after teh half. You can see that New Orleans has much work to do in all facets of the game. Breese looked like his timing was off and the offensive line did not provide many holes for Bush to run through. Special teams lacked luster and defense was giving up yards in all categories.

Over all it was a grim picture for Saints and Cowboys looked like they will be a top contender in the NFC. You can see how dominate Dallas was through the first three quarters . I still think NO will be fine as long as they get their D and Offensive line together and firing on all cylynders they will pull off a over .500 season.

Your humble reporter,

Vinnie D  

Who Pumped Ethel?

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the

nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.  Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her, and some of them actually joined in.

One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and  Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. “STOP!” he shouted in a firm voice.  “Have you got a license for that thing?” Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him.

“OK” he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted “STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?”

Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said, “On your way, Ma’am.”

As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, butt-naked, and holding
his “You-Know-What” in his hand.

“Oh, good grief,” yelled Ethel, “Not
that damn breathalyzer test again!”